“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.”—Martin Luther

It has been awhile since I have written.  There have been several false starts for me as I look at my ‘drafts’ file for this blog.  As a result, I shall endeavor to inform you of the current ‘seasonal changes’ in our life.

Waiting on the Lord

“Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”  Psalms 27:14

A Brief History

In May 2011, Cora and I journeyed to North Carolina to the International CEF conference.  As I told the story in my previous blogs, I believed I was to “go and listen” and in His timing, God would show me what was next.  That ended up being the word “surrender.”  I needed to learn what that meant, not only for me, but also for both of us.  Cora and I began to pray for me to get out of the truck so I would be more available for Gods leading.

Life Lessons

During this ‘season’, we worked on our finances with Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.  We were doing ok, but we saw where we needed more some discipline in areas.  God was working in our hearts and teaching us multiple lessons, showing us areas that we (mostly me) needed to work on.  Please bear in mind that the majority of these lessons have been a major paradigm shift for me.  I have to think more now about my wife and how decisions affect us, rather than me.  I never had to think that way for 48 years.  Yet, the more we prayed, the more restless I became.  I knew that God was preparing me for something but I was not sure what it would be, when, and for how long.  My attitude began to be “God will let us know when we are ready, even if we do not think we are.”  I was right.  We were not ready for Him.

Attitude

"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin … Exo 34:6b-7a

Being a child of God is not so easy in this world.  Of course, if I look at being His child in America, I might think otherwise.  Oh, I have it soooo tough.  “Uh God, I really want this other thing … could you work it so it would work out to my/our advantage so (insert your situation here)?”  Yes, there are people dying all around us because they want a Bible, want to go to church, have a desire for more than food for the body.  They hunger for the Word of God and the fellowship of other believers.  What have I been doing … other than whining to God that things are not going according to the way I planned them?  I do not like it this way.  I will just call on God to change these things, that way I do not have to deal with it.  It is in God’s hands now; I prayed about it.  ‘Nuff said/’nuff done.  Yeah … right.

I see so many Christians today (please note, I am talking about me) that really are a bunch of spoiled, stubborn and stiff-necked people.  It reminds me of another bunch of similar people.  Let’s see … who were those folks?  Um … oh, I remember now … they were God’s chosen people, the nation of Israel.  How could I forget that?  Most times, I am in so much deep and hot water with God.  Given the nature of man (me) and the fallen state of man (me), I am surprised that God has not turned this particular man into an unobtrusive grease spot, at some remote location in the universe.

Worship the LORD with reverence and rejoice with trembling.  Psalms 2:11

A couple of months ago I read a book by Joseph S. Carroll called How to Worship Jesus Christ.  It is from Moody Press.  It is only 90 pages, but it took me a couple of days to go through it.  I am going to start it again.  Then I will re-read another book called Humility by Andrew Murray.  A very special friend of ours, a lady of great wisdom from CEF headquarters, gave this book to Cora and me as a gift.  It is one hundred ten pages of short, succinct, and amazing steps to humility in and with a relationship with the God and Savior of this universe.  I have come to understand my relationship with the Sovereign God should be the attitude of Job, after God finished talking to him.  “I am a worm.  Who am I to give God counsel on how to run the universe?”  Job 40:4; 42:3

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  Isa 55:8

I like listening to podcasts of R.C. Sproul, John McArthur, John Piper and others.  These are just a few of my “Hero’s of the Faith” in this generation.  In one of R.C.’s lectures, he explains how he is usually very tactful and sensitive to the needs of those in pastoral counseling.  However, in this one particular session an angry man was shaking his fist at R.C. and complaining about how his (R.C.’s) God was not a Merciful God.  The angry man had just lost his child to SIDS.  R.C. explained in his lecture that he usually did not take the particular tack that he did.  R.C. bluntly asked the man why God did not strike the man down where he stood because of the blasphemous words coming out of his mouth at that moment.  Consider in that lesson that the spiritual 2x4 had been applied right between the eyes, at full force.  It affected me in the same manner.  The reasons why God does things are not ours to contemplate.  They are God’s to know the reasons why.  I need to learn how to accept them with the gratitude of a sinful slave that has been redeemed by the Master.

As a result, I have had to do some evaluation on some of the things in my life.  A ‘re-setting’ of values and priorities.  Obviously, this is NOT an overnight process.  Nor is it completed in a season.  This is a constant re-adjustment from the things of man to the things of God.  Questions I have been asking myself are, “Do I NEED this?”  “Is this necessary?”  “Will this honor God … or man?”  “Who benefits if I do/don’t do such and such?”  “Is my heart in it for God … or elsewhere?”  These are just some of the questions that I am continually asking myself.  Other questions can and/or should be asked … for each of us.  The process is called sanctification.  It is something that all Christians must go through, never being completed until we stand before God.  This process of sanctification is a very humbling one and I am very grateful to God for helping me to comprehend, apply, and accomplish it daily.  I must mention that I do spend a lot of time getting up from where I fell down in this process.

"Be still, and know that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!"  Psalms 46:10

In mid-August of this year, my driving position at the trucking company was abruptly terminated.  After several weeks of thrashing about in anger, frustration, and selfishness—disguised as the “poor me” syndrome, I began to pray and pray more earnestly about what God would have us do.  In this current economy, not too many people are willing to hire a grumpy, old, used and abused, worn-out truck driver … especially trucking companies.  I did manage to find a temporary job running a “spud truck” for the potato harvest in October to carry us through the transition period.  Now that spud truck job was a unique experience and I will not go into much detail about it.

When I was in high school, I was in the Future Farmers of America.  I learned enough about the field part of the harvest to know that it was not something to be taken lightly, but I never went into any depth.  With this temporary job, I learned what a harvest operation entails.  As a result, I have been using the knowledge learned to apply in my own life.  I could fill the pages here with metaphors … but I will spare you.  You’re welcome.  Once that job ended, I needed to see what was next.  I was not sure what God had in mind for us.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  Pro 3:5

Cora and I had been praying for “the next step” in this evolution of trusting God.  What would the next job be for me and how would it affect my relationship with God, Cora, and family, etc.  All I could do was wait on Him.  I began thinking over the things that God had put me through and what some of those lessons meant to me.  I also wondered what He might be preparing me to do.  Before I married Cora, I had a quiet hunger to attend some sort of Bible College.  I mostly blew it off as a ‘pipe dream’ ... too old, too busy, too broke, too … whatever excuse I could use.  I had attended a local community college in 2003 and found that I had a hunger for knowledge I did not know I had.  Now with me being married, I needed to focus on securing the things that made us “comfortable” so we could lead that quiet life of following Christ.  See 1Th 4:11 and 2Th 3:12 for further explanations.  I was thinking college is not a viable option; there must be something else on the horizon.  God knows what we need and His next step was for us to re-evaluate our priorities.  Because of that re-evaluation, the old desire for Bible College came back, quite vigorously I might add.

Faith

“And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."  Mat 21:22

I kept thinking, “Bible College …at my age?”  We started looking in earnest.  I wanted to make sure this was not a ‘panic button’ decision, mid-life crisis, or some such.  Prayer was our first step, seeking peace in and for the future.  This was followed by trying to find a ‘college’ to see if this was what we were to do.  We looked at Moody Bible College, both campuses:  the main one in Chicago, IL and the satellite campus in Spokane, WA.  Our preference was the Spokane campus because it is in the Pacific Northwest and closer to family.  We looked at George Fox U., Corban U., New Hope Bible College, Northwest Christian U., and Multnomah U., and several other schools.  It boiled down to ‘the most bang for the buck’ in a school that would equip us to go wherever God wanted us to go when we finished.  That turned out to be Multnomah University in Portland, OR.  They require a dual degree:  one degree in Bible and Theology, a passion of mine, the other, a major or minor in your degree of choice.  I was impressed with their “New Testament Greek.”  Because of this choice, I believe I need to invent a rapid hair growth tonic so I can pull out my hair in frustration as I learn ‘Koine Greek’.

I have since started the application process to Multnomah University or MU if you prefer.  There is still no guarantee that I will be accepted into the programs I want, but I have placed that worry in the Lords hands.  For me, I have a peace about the direction that my life is about to take.  I cannot answer for Cora.  I know that she does have concerns, as she has voiced them to me and we have talked them over.  She is very good at helping me to evaluate options that I did not think of, did not think to look at, or refused to look at.  I am VERY grateful for her input.  This decision process would not have been very easy without her help and support.  I am praying that God will clear the way to see the goal He has for us, albeit one day at a time.  I believe that it is at MU, studying Theology and New Testament Greek and that is what I am praying will happen.

“Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”  Hab 3:18

So this is what we are aiming for:  This step of faith.  We are trusting that God will lead us through this season of transition.  Faith that God knows what we need, that He will provide it when we need it and He will not give it to us until His time is right.  We just have to be willing to wait on the Lord, trusting that He is Sovereign and that we are His children.  Will you pray with us, please?

For His glory only,

 Duane

Cora’s Perspective…

So we’ve been quiet on here for a while. Not because there hasn’t been anything happening, but because there just aren’t always the right words to tell the world about the craziness God has seen fit to walk us through. We still aren’t out of the craziness – not by a long shot, but it just seems like time to finally try to verbalize these adventures.

For me, it started around the first of August. I knew that I’ve struggled with stress and worry, and not handling it right. I usually don’t really stew on stuff for very long, but my body knows I’m in a stressful situation, and obliges with sufficient adrenaline to knock my health for a loop. Soooo… I picked up a book that I’d been meaning to read for quite a while: “Anxious For Nothing” by John MacArthur. As I read it, I could never read much more than a page or two, as God was just slamming me with its truths. I’d read a little, then think and journal about it, then come back for more. After two weeks, I had gotten so much out of it, and had changed so much that I thought “Hey! Now that God’s taught me so much, there’s gotta be a reason for it – maybe to teach others or something!” Yeah. Uh huh. It was that same day that we found out that things were about to get very stressful. Duane had lost his job.

Now, we had prayed for quite a while for him to be able to get out of the truck. While Duane had had visions of owning his own truck, we really just wanted him to be able to be home every night. Or even MOST nights. There had been many times that a sticky situation or a cranky boss could have put an end to the job. And we’d had the sense to “fear” that. Instead, God had seen fit to protect that job through it all. And NOW, He had seen fit to drop the floor out from under us. As Duane had planned to clean out his truck for a week-long vacation, his boss told him to just clean out the truck for good, and not come back.

Ouch.

Each of us had our own reaction, but neither of us liked it. Duane was hurt and angered by the situation. I was freaking out that my “security” had evaporated. And we both scrambled to figure out what in the world just happened. We may never know what caused the boss to “snap” that day, but we’ve at least figured out now, as Joseph once said to his brothers: “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.”

But that process sure hasn’t been overnight. Daily we would take turns freaking out – thankfully, most of the time God allowed the other of us to be strong for the weak one. Duane will tell you about surrender. I’ll tell you about patient trust. And we’ll both tell you we’re still learning these things.

Since August I’ve wanted to know – “what’s next!?” I wanted to know how God would provide for our mortgage and other bills. I wanted to know what the next job for Duane would be. I wanted to know how God would provide for our food and gas and basics. And most of the time, I haven’t known any of those. Yet God has provided for every need. Every day.

So far it’s been pretty tight on the mortgage, but God has provided what we needed when we needed it. We have never gone hungry. Not for ONE meal. Not even close. And when we needed it most, Duane had a temporary job driving a potato truck. Unemployment finally even kicked in after three months without a job (another story for another time!).God has proven himself faithful through some crazy, crazy times.

So now… the main question is: “What comes next?” While only God KNOWS the future, we finally have a plan for the next steps. Duane has wanted to attend Bible College for quite a while now, and that’s only intensified over the last years. After his potato truck job, we finally had enough gas money to make a visit to his top prospect for a Bible College, Multnomah University in Portland, OR.

We had checked out a number of schools over the phone and internet, finding some great schools in the northwest, but none had quite what Duane was looking for in majors, etc. When we investigated Multnomah, we found that they had the majors we are looking for, has the reputation of a solid Biblical education, and is near enough to family. The only major draw-back in my view is that it’s in Portland. Ya know how you’re always told “Don’t ever say ‘Never’ to God”? Yeah, I was totally okay with Africa, but Portland? Please, God! DON’T send me to *cue super whiny voice* Poooortland! Yet by the time we were heading home from our campus visit, we knew: yep, Multnomah is the one. Duane plans to double major in Bible/Theology and New Testament Greek.

For the past couple weeks I’ve been alternately weepy and excited about the possibilities as we begin to tell our family and friends about the plans. We know that God can tweak and/or earthquake OUR plans at any time, and I can’t say that it’ll even surprise me, but for right now, it seems that attending Multnomah is in our future.

As it sits right now, the plan is for Duane to attend Multnomah starting in January for the Spring Semester, while I stay home and wrap things up with CEF and the house. Then the thinking is that I’ll move up there with him starting in May, between his terms. We THINK he’ll attend classes over the summer, which starts at the end of May, so it’s a pretty short window of time. I’ll probably still need to work up there part time, and we’re praying about the possibilities – there are definitely possibilities there, but we don’t have any announce-able plans yet.

For right now, we’re getting him ready for school, and then we’ll start getting the house ready to sell or rent. To our Klamath Falls friends, please pass the word that we’re looking for someone to rent, lease (w/ option to buy), or buy our 3-bedroom home in Midland. For our friends in the Portland area, do you know of someone that would have at least an inexpensive room to rent for January through May, and/or a one-to-two bedroom home available starting in either January or May? For January to May we won’t have the three dogs with us, as they’ll still be in Midland with me, but after that, we need a place that is pet-friendly. It is possible that Duane will be able to stay on campus during the Spring term, since we won’t have the dogs up there, but since there’s a no pet policy, we’ll need to figure out something different for May. Confused yet? Join the club!

For those of you in the CEF family, you need to know that the ministry in Klamath Falls WILL GO ON!!! As we discovered over my year-long sabbatical, the committee did a FABULOUS job of keeping things going - the ministry even GREW while I was gone. The leadership is still in the process of organizing the "what's next" specifics, and will let you know as soon as possible more details. Please be patient with them! I'd rather have waited to tell you until that point, so I could reassure you in the same breath that even though I was leaving, we have plans A, B, and C in motion. However, too much was happening too fast, and word was getting out to some people and not to others, leading to hurt feelings and the potential for not-fun rumors. I wanted to make sure that YOU would know as much as I can tell as soon as I can. From here, please just be patient, and know that GOD has a plan for his ministry, and as He shows US what that is, we'll be glad to share that with you!

I was telling a friend this weekend about how much I’ve learned about just waiting on God’s timing. Living in the moment that God has given me, instead of stressing about what the future holds. And later that night I was once again freaking out about where in the world we’ll be living in the next few months, and how miserable it’ll be to be apart from Duane for so long, and, and, and… And again I remind myself “Be still and know that I am God.” Translated into Cora’s heart-language, it probably sounds more like “Okay, Cora, it’s time to just sit down and shut up… I said SHUT UP… and remember that I’m in charge, not you… Did I mention to shut up? No buts about it! I AM in charge! Oh, and by the way, Cora? You DO know that I love you! A lot.” Believe me, I know that God wouldn’t be that crude, but it usually takes Him being that pointed with me. I’m so thankful for his patience with me!

As you think of us, would you please pray for us? Pray for continued peace, pray for clear direction, and pray for me to figure out the right balance of busyness and relaxing (i.e. not to become overwhelmed by all there is to do and just shut down!). Pray for my dear old curmudgeon, er uh, hubby as he prepares for school and the challenges that will bring. Also please pray that we’ll be able to get a computer for him to take with him to school. We have a laptop, but if he took it, then I wouldn’t have one here to be able to Skype with him – a key part of our plan to survive the months apart. Also, please pray for the house situation – pray for favor with the board that decides whether we get housing assistance from the state of Oregon (would pay our mortgage for a year), and for the house to have new occupants, and for us to have the right place(s) to move to at the right time. While you’re praying, I’d be remiss not to ask you to join me in thanking Him for His great provision for us thus far: thank Him for abundant food, clothing, home, time together, growth closer to Him and each other, friends, peace, and relief from a major chunk of the debt!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. We are ever grateful for your partnership in this journey!

Cora,

for the Tucker Tribe
Oh, and Duane's Perspective is just around the corner!