Adventures

(warning: I'm here to catch you up on almost 7 months of Tucker's Tales, so it might take you a few minutes to read, but I think you'll find it worth the read!)

Diagnosis X 2 

There's good reason for it taking so long to post another blog. The first few months after the May post, life was so wonderfully boring that I remember wondering what was interesting about our life that I could even post. Duane was still driving truck, and I was still on sabbatical from CEF, enjoying every moment. I had hoped to have one more trip with Duane before returning to work, and gradually add a responsibility here or there, trying to get back into the "groove" with the CEF ministry. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, God had some crazy adventures for us. 

It started in the middle of August, when I followed up on a recommendation from a friend to visit with her Naturopath in Bend, OR. Having watched me struggle with my health for as long as he had known me, Duane had been on my case to find a naturopath that could help me find out what healthy was like. That Monday I nervously made my way to Bend and brought all my paperwork to Dr. Michelle Jackson. Having been to a naturopath in my youth, and with Heidi's recommendation, I wasn't too worried, but I wanted to know how Dr. Jackson would handle things. As I visited with her, I was assured that if/when her ability to help me ran out, she would have no problem directing me to someone who could (you'll see in a moment why this was so personal to me). With that assurance, I began to share all the crazy symptoms I have. I shared about my fatigue, how I would "crash" frequently and stress easily, had heart and blood-pressure issues, had been tested for sleep apnia, my frequent sinus infections (2-3 times a year), weight issues, intestinal issues, PMS issues, and headaches. With such a laundry list, I figured it would take quite a few visits to even scratch the surface, so when she diagnosed me almost immediately with "Adrenal Fatigue", I thought the next visits would start to look at the issues other than fatigue. I would only realize later that Adrenal Fatigue actually is either causal or symptomatic of EVERY ONE of those symptoms I had brought to her. She told me to get the book called "Adrenal Fatigue" by Dr. James Wilson, and started me on a series of blood, urine and saliva tests meant to give her a more specific diagnosis of which supplements my body needed. With this news, I was a little overwhelmed, but relieved to have at least one symptom diagnosed definitively. I was told to eat regularly, eat healthy, and to back off on stress. Yeah, what a brilliant idea. 

That afternoon, I continued my journey around Oregon, planning to visit my Grandparents in Portland, where Grandma was in the hospital, and then spend Tuesday night with my parents in Elmira (near Eugene), then finish the trip on Wednesday with a return home. Plans are great. But they don't always match up with what God has in mind. 

We knew that something was definitely wrong for Grandma to be in the hospital. We knew she had serious intestinal issues, as it was the middle of August and she hadn't been able to eat, much less "keep down" a full meal since July 4th. She had been trying to handle things on her own for months, using all the healthy vitamins and supplements she could get her hands on, but she'd finally succumbed to meeting with a doctor. But only if it was a naturopathic doctor. Getting an appointment took another week or two, and when she made the visit to the Salem doctor, he immediately sent her with a note and an urgent demand to check in at Oregon Health Sciences University ASAP. That had been the previous Thursday, and they still didn't have a diagnosis, but they had performed procedures to open up her blocked kidney, as well as to do some of their many tests. 

By the time I got to visit Grandma in the hospital, we realized that we really WERE talking serious stuff. We were afraid to say the word cancer, but it was on everyone's mind. By that Friday, I was present when the doctors came into Grandma's very cramped room to tell the bad news. We knew it was coming, but I'll never forget the team of doctors telling Grandma that she had cancer, that it was very fast growing, that there was nothing we could have done, and that, short of a miracle, it was now a matter of weeks that she had on earth. She chose to spend those remaining weeks at home with family. 

For the next month and a half, insanity reigned. Every week or two, I was traveling to Portland or points in between to help out. After a week or so, I would return home to collapse and rest and try to recuperate, utterly exhausted from the physical and emotional drain on my system. Meanwhile I was trying to learn more about this adrenal fatigue. What a time to try to start eating healthy, eating regularly, and back off on stress! 

After nearly a two week-stint of helping out at Grandpa and Grandma's house, I returned to my parents' house on Wednesday the 26th of September, as I was scheduled to speak at the training camp for the local CEF chapter on Thursday. As I finished that last leg of the journey on the 27th, I received the dreaded call. My Grandmother was in heaven. Though I had known it was coming, was prepared mentally and emotionally, my body couldn't handle this final news. I spent that entire weekend in a sleepy mental coma, only doing what I had to do to survive, definitely not participating in the training camp. Everyone thought that I was just taking Grandma's death hard, and yes, I was grieving. But how could I explain to myself, much less family members, that after helping at Grandma's death-bed for several weeks, I couldn't even think about participating in the memorial, much less helping with preparations?

I was scheduled to go back to work for the first time after my sabbatical that next Monday, but instead drove to Portland again, where I met Duane at his truck, and attended Grandma's memorial on Tuesday. Without him being there, I know I would not have even made the trip, much less made it through the service. I actually didn't go to her graveside service the next day for that very reason. I am SO grateful Duane's boss was able to get him to the right spot at the right time (thank You, God!). 

Learning More 

In between all this craziness, I'd been learning much about this condition called Adrenal Fatigue. For a great summary, you can check out www.adrenalfatigue.org. I started taking a few supplements, and as each test result came back, Dr. Jackson would add one or two more to my list. Thankfully I was able to do all pursuant appointments over the phone, saving me from the extra stress that travel causes. 

For me, I began digging into the book Dr. Jackson had recommended. I felt like someone had sat down and wrote a book all about me. I learned that Adrenal Fatigue is the result of the adrenal gland being overworked too hard, for too long, until it doesn't know which end is up, and over-produces the cortisol I need to handle stress. I also learned that stress doesn't always mean mental stress. The adrenal gland is meant to handle anything that causes fight-or-flight situations. Basically, when I went to Bible college in 2001-2002, I lived and breathed adrenaline. I was taking 18 credits, pulling honor-roll, in student leadership and choir, and working four part-time jobs at a time, and loved doing it. However, I would get to Sunday night and be exhausted and depressed facing another week of minute-to-minute adrenaline rushes of tests, projects, responsibilities, friends, and excitement. Once I "got" Adrenal Fatigue (or AF), I couldn't get rid of it without giving my body a chance to heal, which of course, I wouldn't do anyway! 

AF causes me to have a much lower tolerance for stress in the first place. People thought I was crazy when I would get stressed about a situation and say "I'm not stressed in my head, but my body won't believe me!". I really could rationally tell you that God was in control of a situation, and know and believe it whole-heartedly, not meditate on it or consciously worry. But I would be exhausted and get sick. I would get so frustrated as a staff member for the week-long (Saturday to Friday) training for teens every June. I was one of the youngest staff members for a number of years, yet the load would kill me by the middle of the week, long before the senior staff-members, and I would get sick before I ever left. I began to learn that my defense system would be weakened as a result of AF, and the mucosal linings (nasal and intestinal) were so thin that it was an open invitation to all sickness, disease, and infection. Thus, my frequent illness. Even from my Bible college year, I had been sick every holiday or vacation. 

I also found out that part of AF is being borderline hypoglycemic. I'd had blood-work done by my family practice doctor looking for stuff like that, but hadn't been diagnosed. But basically I deal with blood-sugar issues. I don't do blood tests, pricking my finger or anything, but I do have to be conscious to make sure I keep my blood sugar pretty even-keeled. 

Learning to Cope

So how do I deal with AF? Very carefully. I'm not even all the way through this amazing book on Adrenal Fatigue, but I've learned so much (and still have much to learn). 

I've learned that sleeping on a regular schedule is important. I need to be in bed by 10:30, and ideally I need to sleep until I wake up. I always functioned SO much better when I had a chance just to wake up naturally, but along with everyone else, I thought I was lazy. Come to find out, a key time for my body to get the best rest is between 7 and 9 in the morning. Who knew? 

I also need to eat frequently and on a schedule. I now have Breakfast #1 anytime before 10am. I have Breakfast #2 at 11am, and Lunch at 2pm, Dinner at 5pm, and a before-bed snack to top things off. This regular schedule is designed to give my body the chance to digest everything at a regulated pace. But in order to do this, every meal has to have at least these three basics in balanced proportions: fatty acids, starchy carbs, and protein. These each digest at a different rate, so things stay pretty even keel. However, this gets tricky to have all of these AND eat healthily. A burger from McDonalds may have all of those, but will only harm my health. 

SOOOO... Any food that will either raise or lower my blood-sugar rapidly is a no-no. Dr. Pepper and fu-fu coffee was the first to go, as no caffeine is allowed. "But", you say, "you can get DECAF fu-fu coffee, can't you?" Ah but that would be too easy. Alas, I can't have sugar either (insert gummy worms here!). I'm still a little fuzzy on the sugar substitutes that I can or can't have but at least some of them give me instant intestinal issues anyway, so I don't go exploring much. Also, white flour is a no-no, as it turns into sugar so fast. Whole grains are okay though, so I've found a few breads I can have. The natural sugar in fruit is so high, that I can only have a little bit, and that only in the afternoon or evening. Even the lactose in milk turns to sugar too fast, so I've discovered rice milk as a solid alternative when I need it. I've actually discovered some great recipes and alternatives that I can have, it just takes time and preparation. 

Progress

A week after my scheduled start-date, I started back to work on October 8. Knowing then what I was dealing with in regards to my health and the Adrenal Fatigue, the CEF committee (board) was very gracious to me. They assured me that they would continue to carry the load they had carried during the year I was gone, allowing me to fill in the gaps doing the "directorly duties". I was scheduled to work about half-time each week, all day on Monday, but Tuesday through Thursday I work in the afternoons (ie I get to sleep in!), and I have Fridays off. My duties are light, but there are plenty of them, as my To-Do list grows daily. 

Coming back to work I had decided that I wouldn't make any drastic changes for the first several months, giving everyone a chance to "ease" into our new normal. God musta laughed. I had been back for about two or three weeks when we were "evicted" from our upstairs, corner office in the IYS building. They had very graciously allowed us the space for 6 years on a temporary basis, until they needed the space for someone else. Well, now they needed the space, as they were expanding and adding another program to their organization. Before I had a chance to even stress about this though, they also offered us a different location. They had a small duplex office building that had come with another property they wanted, but they didn't have a use for it. Instead, WE could use it for the cost of utilities. Praise God!!! I won't elaborate here on the amazing blessings of this, as that could be a whole other blog entry, but suffice for now to say that God has blessed us like crazy! In my first two months back to work, there's been very little "easing" into anything, and yet God has had us ready for every step of the way. 

I have learned that Adrenal Fatigue is treatable, but it isn't easy, and it isn't fast. Basically I'm told that it'll take at least 6 months to two years to recover. I'm hoping that the year off on sabbatical will significantly reduce that time for me, but I'm willing to go the long-haul. I've already begun to discover what health looks like, and it's amazing. I've begun to have energy again. Our house is starting to be at least tidy on a regular basis, if not down-right clean. I've started to like people again (when I started my sabbatical, I REALLY didn't). And I'm not falling asleep during the day nearly as often. Symptoms are not nearly as pronounced, though I can definitely tell the difference when I forget to take supplements or get out of balance on my  eating. Really it's just been amazing to find a whole new life, one day at a time. Enjoying time with Duane when he's home, being more relaxed, learning my boundaries, and enjoying ministry again. Despite the stress of it all, God has blessed us SO much, and we're SO grateful. 

I'll close with the lyrics of a song we recently discovered that summarizes the last several months for the both of us. 

"Through"Gaither Vocal Band

When I saw what lay before me, Lord, I cried what will you do?
I thought He would just remove it. But He gently led me through
Without fire there's no refining, without pain no relief, 
Without flood there's no rescue, without testing no belief.
Through the fire, through the flood, through the water, through the blood 
Through the dry and barren places, through life's dense and maddening mazes
Through the pain and through the Glory through it all 
we'll tell the story of the God whose power and mercy 
will not fail to take us through 

Pictures from the "right side"

I've been traveling with Duane on the truck for the last several weeks, and thought I'd share some of the beauty we saw along the journey. I was usually only able to take pictures out of the passenger window - thus, the "right side" -and the windshield when the bugs weren't succeeding at blocking my view.
You'll enjoy pictures from Oregon, California, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Montana, Idaho, Nevada, and Washington.
One weekend we were parked in Sparks, NV. We called up the CEF director from the area for recommendations of a church. By the end of Sunday, we had gone to church, lunch, and Tahoe with her (my first time there). What a great time to relax, fellowship, and worship the Creator!
Enjoy the pictures at https://picasaweb.google.com/coramolly2/TuckerSTales

Distractions

I gave up Facebook.

Pick your jaw up off the floor.

I'll give you a minute... Still waiting.

If you know me very well, you'll know that giving up Facebook is a big deal for me, and not an easy change - at least I didn't think it would be. I had plenty of arguments for the social media naysayers, reminding them how it's a great tool to stay in touch, useful for ministry, and for getting the word out about stuff or finding out what's going on with my friends. And I pretty much still think that it's very useful for those things. So lest you think I'm giving in on those arguments, allow me to clarify. It's not Facebook that is the issue, but only that I have allowed Facebook to become a harmful distraction in my life.

I've been doing some thinking - and yes it's painful. And I'm still in process on that thinking. But I thought I'd share that process with you.

I'm an addict... not to alcoholic beverages or nicotine, but to anything that will distract me from real life. And usually my drug of choice has been Facebook and its associated games and activities. I was picky. I refused to accept just any old game request, for fear I'd become addicted to that... but I still got sucked in.

Finally, two weeks, one day, 20 hours, and 19 minutes ago, I quit. Cold turkey. "Hi, my name is Cora, and I'm a Facebook addict." But if you pin me down on what brought me to the point that I knew I needed to quit (and even if you DON'T pin me down, I'm about to tell you anyway)...

I began to realize how much of life I'd been missing out on because of that time-sucker. The chance to listen to a sermon, clean our house, work in the yard, pray for friends or family, read, write letters, talk on the phone... but most of all, I feel like I'd missed out on the chance to sit at Jesus' feet, and listen to the Holy Spirit in his moment-by-moment leading. I can't tell you how often I would sit down to work on our budget (which I like to do on the computer), and would look up three hours later, realizing that I had opened maybe one file that I needed, but had spent 2.75 of those hours on social media. Or I got up in the morning, checked my email, intending to get right into the kitchen table to spend time reading God's Word, and would be alerted hours later that I had 15 minutes to get to my next appointment, so would scramble to shut down Facebook and get to my destination. I had missed out on another opportunity to hear the richness of God's voice through the discipline of reading His Word. Or I knew that I needed to make an effort to connect with my neighbors on His behalf, but the window of opportunity was gone by the time I was done "connecting" with my "friends". Seemingly all efforts at self-discipline had failed.

If you're not getting this, this isn't a rant on Facebook. It's a rant on my favorite distraction from what God has for me RIGHT NOW. Most obviously that's been Facebook lately, but that's not the only tool I have for ignoring God's voice... or my housework. I can just as easily plug in to TV. Or sudoku. Or Bubble Blaster. Or organizing my week but not actually DOING anything about it. Or...

Really the list is endless of the things I can find to distract me from the conviction of the Holy Spirit. And when it comes down to it, it's a matter of self-discipline - one of the fruits of the Spirit - fruit that hasn't been harvested nearly enough in my life lately. I always admire the self-discipline of some of the mature Christians I know. But I also know that it didn't just happen. It's a continual process, seeking to put one more "department" of my life in the control of the Holy Spirit, not my flesh (Romans 8).

So, I ask myself now... "What is God telling me to do that I'm not doing right now?" James reminds me in the Holy Spirit's power and conviction: "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin..." (James 4:17) Facebook isn't a sin. Sudoku isn't a sin. But not doing the things I know I need to be doing IS sin.

As I look at the lengthy list of stuff that would be good to do, and know I want to do them, I sometimes get overwhelmed. For me, it's usually at that point that I go find a game to play, or visit with friends on Facebook, avoiding it all. I have to temper my frustration at not getting it ALL done right now, as I can only do what God gives me strength, time, and conviction to do. But I can't hide from it all in Facebook, avoiding doing ANYTHING, because He HAS "...given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness," (2 Peter 1:3).

Something that really stuck with me the other day (though I regretfully can't remember the source) is this: He has given me all the time I need to do the things that HE has for me to do. Which leads to the next question to ask myself. Is my to-do list filled with the things that I want to do, or does my to-do list match up with HIS to-do list FOR me? How does YOUR to-do list match up?

As my pastors have always told me, "you only do what you WANT to do". At first that caught me off guard ("What about that verse where Paul says that what he wants to do, he DOESN'T do?") But the reality of it is, that my sin nature is usually governing my "Want TO" list. One evidence of true and deep love is to WANT to do what the other person (in this case, the GOD of the Universe) wants to do."If you love me, you will keep my commands." (John 14:15). The more I think of the sacrifice Jesus made, in dying a gruesome death to pay the price of my sins, the more I love Him. And the more I love Him, the more I want what HE wants.

How do I KNOW what His to-do list is for me? It starts by making sure that the VERY top of my list is to actually spend time with Him, learning His nature, talking to Him, listening to Him, getting to know Him. I marvel at how my husband knows me so well. The more time I spend with Duane, the more we can finish each other's sentences, or know each other's likes or dislikes. How much more do I want to spend time with my King so I can formulate my own to-do list according to what I know of HIS to-do list!

If you've made it THIS far in reading, I'm grateful! But I would be even more grateful if you would pause right now and pray for me as I seek to fight the fight on a daily basis. As I listened to a John Piper sermon the other day, I was challenged yet again with the vital fight for victory over sin, lest it overcome me. There are no days off in THIS war. And there is no room for distractions - Facebook or otherwise.

I may occasionally appear on Facebook again, as it indeed has its benefits (I'll probably even go on long enough to post a link to this blog on my page!). But prayerfully, it will not be a distraction from serving the King of Kings, under the moment-by-moment guidance and conviction of the Holy Spirit.

What is your first step TODAY in the fight to be governed by the Spirit's leading?

Seasons

So Soaps and Bon Bons went bye-bye, and seasons have replaced them. Seasons of insanity, Seasons of calm, Seasons of togetherness, Seasons of adventure, and Seasons of routine.
For the first several weeks of my sabbatical, I was frantically trying to cram a year's-worth of resting, visiting, busyness, and study into a short amount of time.
In November, I finally was able to go on the road with Duane in the "Dream Chaser" - the semi that he drives all over the place. Since the age of 12 or 13, I had dreamed of going cross-country in a semi with a sleeper cab. For the first couple weeks, we stayed in Oregon, California, and Nevada, just doing "local" runs. During one week, I sat on the deck of his flatbed trailer in sunny So. Cal with my sudoku and my almonds while we waited for our next load. Later that week I had helped Duane chain up, and was sweeping snow off the deck so we could load some molding on it. By the next week, we were on our way to Virginia. We stopped in Grand Junction,CO, spent Thanksgiving in Columbia, MO at a Cracker Barrel (amazing meal for an amazing deal), the weekend near CEF headquarters (we got to visit our friends Dottie Whitney and Laura Hayes), and got within two miles of the Atlantic Ocean in Newport News, VA. Then we started our journey back to Wyoming with parts of a BIG dump truck bound for a coal mine. On the way west, though, we ended up both getting sick. We both lost our voices big time! At one point, all I could do was squeak! Some times I would even be sitting next to Duane but have to write messages or use sign language for him, since I couldn't talk loud enough to be over the noise of the truck. I made sure he knew the sign for "bathroom"! We were grateful to spend that weekend in Rapid City, SD, where we got Duane to a walk-in clinic. The Dr. prescribed the same anti-biotics that I had on hand from my doctor for frequent sinus infections, and it worked perfect (though he still took a while to get back to health!). We unloaded in Wyoming in -1 degree weather (not counting the major wind-chill factor!), then woke up the next morning at a lumber mill with a view of Devil's Tower. I was soooooooo grateful that the scale-house there had a beautiful bathroom, AND fresh coffee!!!! I felt very spoiled! Anyway, we closed out week number 3 by arriving home. I had 2 weeks to be ready for Christmas, but I was ready to be home for a while. That trip did wonders for me. Since I get car sick, I couldn't spend my time reading or doing paperwork, or anything else really, except sit there, talk with Duane, listen to audio books or music, and enjoy the scenery. How therapeutic was THAT!?!?! I finally realized that the clock had no power over me, and came home more relaxed and de-stressed than I ever remember feeling. Oh, and the bonus? After 5 weeks in the same cramped space with my husband, we didn't kill each other! :)

Next came the season of hosting. We had "Christmas" at our house this year, with most of the Tucker clan, plus guests. Then my parents came during the week between Christmas and New Years.
I had some time to relax after that, and began to visit with local friends, but it didn't take long for things to pick up again. The last week of January, I went to visit my folks for a week in Elmira, getting to enjoy a leisurely visit with them all. During that week, though, I also spent the weekend in Bremerton, visiting my brother, Seth, and his fiance. It was SOOOOOO much fun! We spent a day in Seattle doing the touristy thing. Note: no offense to any Seattle-lovers, but I really hate don't like Seattle usually. However, we were on foot, so I didn't have to drive, I was with fun family (including my oh-so-buff brother to protect us in the middle of otherwise claustrophia-inducing populations!), and the sky was SO AMAZINGLY CLEAR! So I really did have fun that day. On the way back from there, I was even able to visit my Grandma, Duane's son, Corey, and CEF's state director Rod, and his wife, Betty Franz.
Then I scrambled home in time for Mom Tucker's hip surgery. She recovered really really fast. Within 48 hours of her hip-replacement, she was back home, and getting around the house (when her pain meds weren't putting her to sleep!). In no time, she's scooting around the house, fixing small meals, and watching over the cats and dog!
Last week, I was able to escort Melanie to a training for her work that "just happened" to be in Springfield (near my folks'), and "just happened" to be across the street from KORE, the Christian Radio station. Since we knew the manager and staff around there pretty well from all our frequent winning of prizes as kids, I decided to stop in. I was amazed that they all recognized me before I even got in the door, and we caught up with each other for quite a while.
So NOW.... I get to mostly stay home, focus more on studying, participate in a ladies Bible Study, do stuff around the house, and tackle more projects. Of course we also have a couple weddings to attend - Seth's getting married in March, and Paul's getting married in April. After those are over, I look forward to getting out on the road with Duane again.
In the middle of all this, I'm grateful for my friends who keep me accountable, pray for me, and challenge me to a closer walk with Him. God is gracious in not cramming a bunch of lessons in at once but He is definitely persistent in hitting me up-side the head with different things I've needed to hear. Please pray for me to be a good student, and for Duane to have continued patience as I deal with these things. I am so very grateful for his listening ear, no matter the topic or my stage of development on a topic. Being part of a team going through this is SO different than going through so many things on my own in my past "single" years, and I'm thankful that God saw fit to provide us with each other.
So there you have it.... the seasons so far in this sabbatical. Thanks to everyone who keeps checking in despite the lack of posts in past months. Don't worry - we're still here! :)